Creating Job

December 13, 2011 1 comment

The President, as I’m writing this, is touting his “Jobs Bill” to the tune of $447 Billion. I’m creating a job right now and have some advice for him.

My wife and I are both very active. She works at a job that requires travel and I am a student actively seeking part-time work and consulting jobs. We decided that it would best to hire a Child Minder (don’t use the “N” word) to keep an eye on our precocious tyke so we wouldn’t be scrambling during our busy periods. Through a providential intercession we found a wonderful woman and my wife and I had a choice when it came to hiring her.

We could:

"Mr. Obama, tear down this wall!"

  • Obtain an EIN from the IRS
  • Fill out the Ohio incorporation paperwork and file with Secretary of State (costing a fee)
  • Determine for what Ohio jurisdiction(s) we would be withholding tax (because you need this for the Ohio SIT)
  • Determine our business type (it is not as straightforward as it sounds)
  • Fill in the appropriate Ohio forms (e.g. Withholding Agent Registration form)
  • Obtain a state EIN, also known as an SIT
  • Fill out an application to a payroll service for bi-weekly payment/tax withholdings escrow handling
  • Obtain an Ohio Unemployment Employer account number (which is completely separate from the above Ohio SIT)
  • Submit a request for a Municipal Tax Account with the City of Columbus
  • For each of the above accounts, update with the information concerning our one (1) employee. We also need to submit a “New Hire” form with the Ohio New Hire Reporting (so they can track her incase she owes child support)
  • Apply and pay for workman’s compensation coverage
  • Print and post the workplace notices as required by state and federal law (see photo)
  • AND every other week file hours with the payroll service where they deduct her wages and we also pay FICA, Medicare, workman’s compensation premiums and FUTA along with a fee to the payroll service.

OR we could:

  • Hand her cash from the ATM at the end of each week.

It’s not exactly a “Where’s Waldo” exercise to spot where government might give small businesses some help.

The End of Facebook days

June 10, 2011 Leave a comment

It’s the end of an era & the beginning of another. It doesn’t really matter that the era in question is very local and might have otherwise gone completely unnoticed. I was lucky enough to have the “Aha!” moment and that small satisfaction is self-payment enough.
As moments go this one has little momentum. I remember the beginning of the end of my fascination with Popular Music occurred on 25 January 1985. Phil Collins, who by this time was wildly successful, decided to release his new album “No Jacket Required” on only cassette, 8-track and CD – no vinyl and by doing so “killed” the 13″ record. Every self-important writer seemed obligated to write “The Death of the Record” essays (and, boy howdy, did the know how to be self-important in the mid 1980s). The funny thing is how these essays read 21 years later where the way we listen to music was unexplored science fiction in 1985
Yes, a era has ended: no more Facebook Status Updates. When Facebook expanded the length of the Status field from 160 to 420 I’m sure they though “well, this should accommodate everyone”. Once again, I’m in the lounge marked “Almost But not Quite Everyone”. Why could that be?

“Lights! Get me a mike…”

June 9, 2011 1 comment

I’m thinking that, by rights, this should be the beginning of a flash back sequence in an old movie.

It’s one in the morning I’m typing from a hospital bed in Westerville Ohio. The ward has gone quiet; the lights have been brought down to indicate night from day. The nurses no longer scurry from crisis to crisis but leisurely check on their charges: some need scheduled medication, others need some small tending but the overwhelming sense is of peace. As I look at the chest tube which runs uncomfortably from my midriff to the plastic reservoir on the ground and wonder – how did I get here?

Yes, this would make a great framing scene for a flash back. But which one? I can’t see myself as Joe Gilles. Though the name sounds familiar to mine I have the distinct differentiator of being alive. Perhaps Forrest Gump? But I always thought the “flashback” in Gump was a copout. The whole film is supposed to be flashback until you find in the last 20 minutes that, no, there is more movie to run in “the present” and it is still a period piece. Might as well put a large sign saying “Exposition” and place it as a title card – that would at least have the benefit of being honest. Exposition, set-up for a flashback, if I’m going to steal I might as well steal from the best – I’ll be Jededian Leland at the hospital. I, too, have a doctor who has a funny idea about keeping me alive and smuggling in cigars does sound like something I’d do…

The quiet beeping from the neighbor’s room let’s me know he’s hanging in there and as I contemplate the now idle IV, it’s idleness a hope of someday receiving my medical manumission, I realize that now I need a place to transition to from the hospital scene. I’m typing madly in low light in a hospital bed and then fade to…what? Do I fade to Amtrak train #168? Where I would do similar typing on my way the corporate apartment in Boston where I maintained the e-mail system for The Boston Globe? Do I fade back farther where, in a trim and well tailored suit, I would be similarly typing on the 5:40am Metro North train to NYC? Or perhaps another quiet late night – the night before my wedding when I went from nearly having a breakdown because I was getting married to feeling top-of-the-world because I was getting married to Judy? But where ever I start the narrative, the key moment is when Judy opened the offer letter for a job in Columbus Ohio.

Certainly a hard-charging businessman who’d made a name for himself in the Northeast would have not have any trouble moving. I mean, just because he had lived in the same town all his life (and intended to stay until he died) wouldn’t make it difficult. How different could the Midwest be anyway? It would mean following my dream – a brand-new life with my wife built together from the ground up. The ability to finally go back to school and get my law degree. And, above all, the ability to start a family. It is idyllic sounding; how hard could it be?

I’m finding out…

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